Honey, I Shrunk the Robots: An Official Rule Book
by A'isha Ishtar
Summary: Tally's got to set down a few ground rules for her little itty bitty Transformers, just to let them know who's boss. They can't be waging a war in her house, mini or otherwise. So, who's boss? The five foot tall organic, that's who! rated for safety
1. Rules 1-5

**Whee~ I should be finishing so many other stories before I start a new one, but who cares? NOT THIS GIRL.**

**I was originally going to do a full story with this idea, because I just love the idea of the Transformers being shrunk down into toys and a human has to keep the peace. It hasn't been done so often as to become boring! Each story of the idea I read offers a different perspective on it, with soooo much more hilarity.**

**But I figured, hey - nobody's done a rule book for the idea yet! And I like being unique, unique is my middle name. (Not really, but I'm not telling y'all that.)**

**So yes, my OC's name is Tally. She's an artist, does commissions for a living, and was surprisingly a lot more okay with the whole "living TF toys" arrangement than she probably should have been. She's usually very mellow, but somebody's got to lay down the law!**

**SEND IN YOUR RULES, PEOPLE! I happily accept suggestions, and would prefer it. I can't do this all myself - my brain can't handle that much thinking!**

**I hope you enjoy the first chapter!**

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**1. Autobots, your base can stay in the cupboard. Just know that if you get between me and my cereal, I can't be held responsible for your safety.**

(Don't get me wrong, I like it when I can roll out of bed and just get handed a bowl and a cup.)

(Thanks go mostly to Bumblebee and Mirage.)

(But Red Alert, well, he's gotta learn that he can't scream every time I open the door.)

(Also, he really shouldn't stand in front of my Cocoa Puffs.)

(The last time he did, I simply smacked him out of the way.)

(Let's say I was in a bad mood and needed my chocolate.)

(He did a faceplant on the counter and started crying.)

(He did this the entire time while I was eating, almost for a whole fifteen minutes.)

(The only thing that finally shut him up was my threat to smite him with a coffee flood.)

(Red Alert, I feel bad about that, but next time, just stay in your little corner.)

**2. Decepticons, most of you are pretty cool, and okay in my book. But seriously, your base? It can't stay in my bathtub.**

(Look, I understand that they were in the house first.)

(I get that. I respect it.)

(But they set up their base where I'm supposed to wash myself.)

(I tried explaining to them the full implications of what would happen if they didn't haul their little afts out of there.)

(You can't reason with them, especially since the culmination of my argument pretty much came down to:)

"Um, if you guys don't move, I won't be able to shower. And, you know... I'll smell. Really bad."

(Finally, I decided to scare them into moving their operation.)

(I got naked, wrapped a towel tightly around myself, and leaned down to turn on the water.)

(Most of them fled at the mere sight of me turning a knob because they had no idea what it would do, but Megatron, Soundwave, and the Cassettes stood their tiny ground.)

(They weren't afraid of any humans, but they were smart enough to abandon ship after I nearly drowned them like a couple of army men.)

(Thankfully they all got my message, but they still had to be urged out of the actual bathroom.)

"Go on, get going, all of you!"

(I actually had to _kick_ a very persistent Sunstorm out the door with the side of my foot.)

"That means you too!"

"You're still the most beautiful creature on this or any planet and-"

(I slammed the door very nearly on his hand.)

"And _stay out,_ you ass-kissing little Oompa Loompa!"

**3. Living room is neutral territory, no exceptions.**

(For reasons I'll never know, a lot of my little robo-buddies don't seem to like this rule.)

(I've caught Frenzy and Rumble trying to gun down Skids and Mudflap on the windowsill, until someone got the bright idea to jump off.)

(Then another time, it was Swoop dive-bombing Skywarp, who apparently was too scared to remember he could warp... and _fly._)

(The last straw was when I saw Lugnut chasing a terrified Red Alert around the TV, while Jetfire and Jetstorm had combined into Safeguard to fire shots at the fanboy.)

(Which of course only served to make Red Alert glitch even further.)

"YOUR AIM'S BAD, YOU'RE GONNA SHOOT _ME!_"

(So clearly it was time to set and enforce a punishment for the living room not being treated as neutral.)

(Anybot caught fighting in the living room, I threatened to stick them in the freezer for an hour.)

(So far, everyone has basically obeyed this after having to carry it out once on Grimlock.)

(Except for one mech.)

(I'm starting to think I'll need to come up with a different punishment just for Blitzwing.)

(I think his Random side actually _likes_ it in the freezer.)

(Damn crazy triple-changers.)

**4. If I see Starscream bumming the heels off my "art doll" Barbies, the best thing to do is just walk away and try to forget about it.**

(After overdosing just a LITTLE too much on _Transformers: Prime,_ I realized the secret to TFP Starscream's sexiness.)

(His heels.)

(Unfortunately, the Starscream that lives in the house isn't from TFP, so I just decided to abandon the notion of him ever having heels.)

(Now, I have a couple of Barbie dolls, old one from when I was little, that I use to try out new art techniques.)

(Mostly I use them on their clothes, but body art is cool sometimes too.)

(One day, I went to go find my Barbies, which I was pretty sure were in my closet.)

(I opened the door halfway, only to see my Starscream sitting in the corner, prying the high heels off one of my Barbie dolls.)

(They were pink heels, and... I didn't really know what he wanted to do with them.)

(Nor did I want to know.)

(So I just walked away.)

(He still has no clue that someone saw that.)

**5. Wheeljack + toaster/microwave/VCR/anything electronic = not a good idea.**

(You would think this one would go without saying, wouldn't you?)

(Obviously not, since I'm saying it for the millionth time.)

(Wheeljack needs to stay away from anything that be taken apart and blown up.)

(Which, if he gets his servos on it, is pretty much anything.)

(He tried to cook a block of ramen in my toaster.)

(He wanted to microwave my lava lamp, but since I wouldn't let him do that, he settled for microwaving a carton of chocolate marshmallow ice cream.)

(When I banned him from the kitchen, that was when he got hostile.)

(I caught him shoving one of Soundwave's Cassettes in my VCR.)

(The thing exploded. Violently.)

(I was very annoyed because I had to fix Rumble.)

(But I was more annoyed because it seemed that Wheeljack hadn't been anywhere near the blast.)

(It is HIS fault that now I can't make toast, TV dinners, or watch _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy._)

(I don't want him to be seriously injured or anything, but it would have been nice for him to feel the backlash of all the crazy things he does.)

(Next time he does something like this, I shove _him_ in the VCR.)

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**Well, looks like that's all the rules for now. I'll probably post five a chapter like I usually do, because five seems like a good, sane number to use for increments.**

**I saw a handy little chart for who came from where in AndromedaAI's story "Short Stuff" (yes, go read that by the way, it's hilarious), and I thought that was a good idea, so here you go! It doesn't have everyone, but I'll add more later because I don't want this being a whole big thing, lol.**

**Optimus = Bayverse**

**Bumblebee = Animated**

**Prowl = Animated**

**Wheeljack = mixture of G-1 and Animated**

**Red Alert = G-1**

**Lugnut = Animated**

**Jetfire and Jetstorm = Animated (what else? XD)**

**Mirage = G-1 (he's just so adorable, who else wants to hug him?)**

**Megatron = Animated**

**Skids and Mudflap = Bayverse**

**Soundwave = Prime**

**Cassettes = G-1**

**Starscream = Animated**

**Skywarp, Sunstorm, Ramjet, Thundercracker = Animated**

**Dinobots = Animated (Swoop's just... too cute...)**

**Blitzwing = Animated of course!**

**Whew! What a list, looks like that's it for now.**

**Don't forget to send in your suggestions, and I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of what I hope to be many!**

**Thankies for reading! ^^**


	2. Rules 6-11

**Boy, am I on a roll! A... ****_transform_**** and ****_roll OUT,_**** that is! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Fear my hurricane of puns. And, FEAR MY RULES SPAM.**

**In response to AndromedaAI: Yes, yes, I did read Short Stuff. (Facking hilarious title, btw.) And although I got dragged away by something else and couldn't review, I would now like to say this in response. YOU MUST UPDATE. THE POWER OF THE MINIFORMERS COMPELS YOU~ *evil sorcerer hand gestures and wiggling fingers***

**In response to Princess of Dreams: Lol! He tries to get on everybody's good side, but I think he also may have a crush on Tally. I think it's kind of cute, but I can see Tally's point where it would get annoying. So, probably both! :D**

**Anyhoozle! Let's get on with the rules, shall we?**

**Credit to Naughtia for Rule #6: A new member of the house suffers at the hands of a 'Con who should really be in some kind of nuthouse.**

**Credit to Naughtia, smoshaholic123, and my buddy freakofnature96 (from Youtube) for Rule #7: Tally watches what she wants, when she wants, but the bots have their own set of rules. (I rolled all your rules into one just because y'all had the same basic idea. Smooshed them all together lol!)**

**Credit to Klicks for Rule #8: Starscream should really watch where he's going around Tally.**

**Credit to Klicks for Rule #9: Skywarp is afraid of the bath tub, thanks to one of Ramjet's tall tales.**

**Credit to Anonymous BW FG for Rule #10: Megatron doesn't like to share, especially when it comes to his precious rubber ducky.**

**Credit to Anonymous BW FG for Rule #11: A P.O.K.E. is not something you do to your friends on Facebook.**

**Also, thanks to Anonymous BW FG for correcting my numbering! I didn't even notice. Next one will be rules 12-15 then and I'll fix the numbering. XD**

**I didn't use all of your ideas simply because like I said I'm doing updates of 5 rules at a time. (OK, six this time, whoopsie...?) There WILL be more next chapter... as long as you keep sending meh ideas!**

**The Kuroshitsuji and Macross thing in Rule #7 is kind of a shout out to myself, as well as an inside joke between me and freakofnature96. I'm voicing Grace O'Connor in his fandub of Macross Frontier, and somewhere along the line we got to talking about my profile pic on Skype, which is Undertaker from Kuroshitsuji. And we totally decided that he and Grace are crazy, creepy, and perfect for each other.**

**So Undertaker x Grace is totally a crossover pairing now. I even have fanart and videos.**

**KUROSHITSUJI AND MACROSS FOREVER!**

**MWAHAHAHA.**

**Now, keep that evil laughter in mind as you read through this next set of devious rules!**

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**6. I bought a fish because I thought you guys might be lonely, not so you could take advantage of its 3-second attention span.**

(They wanted to know more about the organic world?)

(I could live with that. I encouraged it. I went out and bought a fish for just that purpose.)

(Little did I know, there were more than a few bots who were not using the little goldfish in the way I intended.)

(I caught Soundwave flashing his cameras at it and stunning it.)

(He did it so many times I think the thing actually had some kind of freaky fish seizure.)

(Then Bumblebee started buzzing his stingers against the glass and scaring the hell out of them.)

(Three seconds later, wouldn't you know it, they came swimming back only for Bee to do the same thing.)

(Ironhide threatened to blast the tank with his cannons if the fish didn't stop looking at him, and I quote, "with those big old eyes.")

(One day I decided I ought to clean the fish tank, and I enlisted the lovely First Aid as my cleaning buddy.)

(I put the fish in a bag with water and gave it to Prowl for safekeeping.)

(When First Aid and I came back from the bathroom, with a sparkling tank, we found Prowl lying on the table where we left him with the fish.)

(Someone had made him crash.)

(Judging by the fact that we found the bag with the fish in Blitzwing's possession, with a bunch of holes in it, I have a pretty safe guess who it was.)

(Skywarp actually cried when we had to flush the poor fish down the toilet.)

(Then Optimus gave a very nice speech that even made me tear up a little.)

(R.I.P., Goldimus Prime.)

**7. My house, my TV, my rules.**

(Just because they got there before I did, that doesn't give them free reign over the remote.)

(If I want to watch _Kuroshitsuji_ or _Macross,_ I seriously DARE them to say something about it.)

(Because if they do, I will tell them in the kindest of terms to stuff it.)

(When I do let them have the TV, there are a few things I absolutely forbid.)

(One, Skids and Mudflap cannot watch TV alone.)

(I'm afraid they may discover... um... _certain_ channels.)

(And I'd rather not have to answer those kinds of questions, if you know what I mean.)

(Two, nobody lets Ironhide or Hound watch Western movies.)

('Hide likes the movies with Clint Eastwood, so he wants to see other "rough-and-tumble" action movies... which, for him, translates into _How the West Was Won._)

(Hound just stares at the screen, waiting to see the horses; I'm afraid someday he's going to sit too close and ruin his optics.)

(And finally, three, if you want to change the channel, DO NOT jump on the remote's buttons.)

"You break the remote, I break your everything else."

(I've never seen Knock Out run so fast.)

(He probably thought "everything else" meant his finish.)

**8. Starscream, you're allowed to fly around me while I watch TV. Just remember, if you don't watch where you're going, you'll have to recharge with your optics open.**

(For some reason, Starscream finds it amusing to fly circles around my head when I'm sitting.)

(When I'm sitting anywhere, really, but especially while I'm watching TV.)

(After a few times, I thought he'd get dizzy and... I dunno. Fall or puke or something.)

(But no, he keeps doing it, and to tell you the truth I don't really mind.)

(It's kind of nice to know he feels comfortable enough around me.)

(However, that all ended when one day I was watching _Good Luck, Charlie_ and I started nodding off.)

(Starscream figured that the best way to keep me awake was to switch up his flight pattern... right against the side of my head.)

(I chased him with a pair of jewelry pliers for a full five minutes, yelling everything I could think of.)

"Get back here! I will tear your little head off! I will mount your wings over the fireplace and throw darts at them! _I HOPE YOU CAN SLEEP WITH YOUR EYES OPEN!_"

(He didn't go into recharge for a full week after that.)

(He was _really_ afraid I'd rip off his wings.)

**9. Skywarp, teleport to your little spark's content... just NOT when I'm trying to give you a bath.**

(A clean mech is a happy mech.)

(I make sure to give them all regular baths, even Red Alert, who surprisingly has begun to like it.)

(No microbes will invade his systems so long as he's clean, he says!)

(Most of the Seekers _love_ bath time, because they get their wings cleaned _and_ rubbed, which I hear is a pleasant feeling.)

(Well, not so much hear that phrase as hear Sunstorm's moans of ecstasy.)

(Seriously, I... don't know what his problem is.)

(But, when bath time rolls around every week, the only Seeker I actually have to chase around is Skywarp.)

(Apparently Ramjet told him that if you remove the plug from the drain, it sucks you in and you're never heard from again.)

(So it's always a fight between us, which mostly consists of me grabbing at him and him warping away.)

(Over and over and over.)

(And when I finally get my hands on him, he warps right out of them as soon as I go to put him in the water.)

(I feel bad for him, but I think I'm going to start catching him in a jar for bath time.)

(That way I can just pour the water and soap in, shake it up, and he's clean.)

(Then he can warp all he wants.)

**10. Megatron is very protective of his rubber ducky. I am not to ever touch it. ****_EVER._**** Probably not even if his life depended on it.**

(At first, Megatron didn't like bath time at all.)

(In fact, he was almost like Skywarp about it, except... not the "scared" thing.)

(Megs liked to fire his cannon at me whenever I told him it was time for his bath.)

(His tiny, cute little cannon that actually kind of gives you first-degree burns.)

(So... not all that cute, really.)

(Whenever I gave him a bath, I'd have to hold him under the water, one hand pinning him down, while I scrubbed him.)

(And he would be trying to yell the whole time.)

(One day I decided that, after I'd captured him for bath time, I would try a different approach.)

(After all, maybe he just didn't like being manhandled. Or, uh, woman-handled.)

(So come bath time, I managed to grab him after a mini fight and carried him to bathroom, then I very gently placed him on the side of the tub.)

(I could tell he was confused, because he looked at me like "WTF?")

"I'm giving you a choice, Megatron. You can fight with me like we usually do... but if you do that, I won't let you play with this bath toy."

(I brought out a little rubber duck from the water, and squeaked it a few times.)

(He looked from it to me, then jumped onto my hand and wrapped himself around the duck.)

"Mine."

(Since then, I haven't had a problem with bath time for him.)

(But the last time I tried to let someone else use the duck, somehow he found out and decided to stand there blasting his cannon over and over on my leg until I was done.)

(Long story short, I now just buy everyone their own bath toy.)

**11. I can complain about Megatron all I want... just not where Lugnut can hear me.**

(Sometimes I wish Lugnut would just, I dunno, drop off the face of the Earth or something.)

(It would be a whole lot less grief for me if he randomly disappeared.)

(Before I got Megatron his rubber ducky, he used to annoy the hell out of me, as I've detailed in Rule 9.)

(Every time he fought back at bath time, I would come out of the bathroom soaked and have to change my clothes.)

(While simultaneously devising new ways to keep Sunstorm out of my room while I changed.)

(Knock Out liked to follow me around and help me pick out new clothes from my closet.)

(Say what you like about him, but he's got an optic for fashion.)

(And while he did that for me, I would complain rather loudly about what had just gone down.)

"God, I don't know how much more of this I can take! Megatron's driving me crazy. Why can't he just learn that rules are rules? He's got to follow them like everyone else. He's not above them."

(One of these times, Lugnut happened to be walking by my door and overheard me.)

(He threw a tiny tantrum, finding a little crack in the door and running in to yell at me.)

(It was actually kind of funny.)

(Until he decided that the conclusion to his tantrum was to P.O.K.E. my toe, that is.)

(Once my toe stopped hurting, I trapped him in a shoe box and didn't let him out until I felt he had learned his lesson.)

(Who would have thought an attack with an acronym that spells _poke_ would hurt so much?)

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**FALALALALALALALA~**

**Poor Tally! Poor Skywarp! And what the hell is with Megatron and his ducky?! I bet he has a crush on it! CARGO SHIP!**

**Don't forget to send in some more suggestions, and reviews are always welcome! They make me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. 8D**

**Thankies for reading! ^^**


	3. Rules 12-15

**Hey guys! YO, what up? :D Lol!**

**Okay okay... I gotta tell you guys a story, and I'm thinking maybe I should work it into a rule somehow. Okay, so the other day I went into the room my brother was in, and I pretended I was a pregnant femme, sticking my stomach out, and I was all "Megatron, I'm sparked! I'm gonna have a baby!" And so he does probably the funniest thing he's ever done in reference to Transformers: he points his finger at me, makes a gun cocking noise, and asks, "Is it chrome or titanium?"**

**XD We couldn't stop laughing for like a full minute. Should I somehow make that into a rule?**

**Well, thanks to much nudging (okay, well, not really THAT much), I gave in and posted the first chapter of my actual bots shrunk down story. It's simply called "Honey, I Shrunk the Robots," and it should be on my profile there. So if you wanna check that out in addition to the rules, if you haven't already, I would bow in your presence.**

**Also, it is December 23 where I am. Considering my pen name, HAPPY MARIK ISHTAR'S BIRTHDAY, EVERYONE.**

**This is a bit short because I was fixing the numeration since I made a little oopsie, but here we go with zee credit!**

**Credit to Klicks for Rule #12: Rumble and Frenzy discover the consequences of "shaking up" Tally's life and room.**

**Credit to Anonymous BW FG for Rule #13: RickRolling gets old fast, and the Jettwins really shouldn't have done it so close to Christmas.**

**Credit to Klicks for Rule #14: The 'Cons learned the hard way not to mess with Tally while she's eating.**

**Credit to Enchanted for Rule #15: When cleaning, it would be best to either not bring Hound and Wheeljack, or to just stop freaking out over spiders. Which isn't exactly... possible.**

**I'm loving all the suggestions! I've got a little list marked down heehee!**

**Hope you all enjoy!**

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**12. Rumble and Frenzy, you guys like making "earthquakes"? Then you get to clean up afterwards.**

(Sometimes I think Decepticon twins are worse than Autobot ones.)

(Considering that the Autobots have three sets of twins - Skids and Mudflap, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker, Jetfire and Jetstorm - and the Decepticons only have _one,_ that's saying something.)

(At least the Autobot twins don't act like my room is sitting on an active a fault line.)

(Rumble and Frenzy seem to think it's funny to cause little room-quakes.)

(After which, everything that's not bolted down gets thrown all over the freaking place.)

(Anyone wanna throw out a guess as to how many things in my room are bolted down?)

(That's right. _None._)

(The last time they did it, I was sitting on the bed, blissfully ignorant as I painted a picture on my wall to "Tally" it up a bit.)

(Five seconds later, the room shook and the paint from my can ended up covering half the wall.)

(The wall _on the other side of the room._)

(Rumble and Frenzy weren't allowed to have any cookies till they washed off my wall.)

(I think they got the message.)

**13. If you RickRoll me, I suggest you prepare for the hugest indignity of your life.**

(Okay, so maybe Autobot twins _are_ worse.)

(I should never have let Jetfire and Jetstorm use the computer.)

(Apparently they clicked on a random link that probably was leading to something incredibly stupid, and got RickRoll'd.)

(Of course, being the random Russian jets they are, they clearly weren't annoyed by it.)

(They were intrigued, fascinated... and obviously more than a little twisted.)

(Later that same day, I was heading out to get some Decorate-Your-Own ornaments, for the first holiday season with my little bots.)

(I opened my purse to check how much money I had left from my last commission, and out popped the Jettwins, like a RickRolling jackass-in-the-box.)

"Never going to be giving you up~ Never going to be letting you down~"

(I had to blink a few times before I realized what was happening.)

(By that time they were grinning at me, as if they actually expected me to like what they'd just done.)

(I plucked them out of my purse, tied some pipe cleaner and cotton balls to them, and hung them on my Christmas tree as an example to all the others.)

(Jetfire made a very jolly Santa, and Jetstorm was a beautiful angel on top of my tree. They were quite the festive pair.)

(Starscream asked if I would please keep them there and "never let them down.")

(I asked him if he wanted to be the _star_ on my tree next year.)

(That's the fastest I've ever seen him shut up.)

**14. Warning to the Decepticons: do not get between me and my food. You may lose... no, that's not even right - you WILL lose an arm.**

(With the way most of the Decepticons attack my food whenever I'm trying to eat, you'd think I didn't feed them.)

(Well, okay, I may punish them by depriving them of _one_ meal, but it's not like I starve them or anything.)

(I have more respect for action figures' rights than to neglect them.)

(So why is it that the Decepticons want _my_ food?)

(Rumble and Frenzy seem to cause a lot of trouble. While trying to get my food, Rumble distracted me by getting me to turn around, away from my plate, while Frenzy snuck up and pilfered some of my yummies.)

(The fatal flaw in their plan was that Frenzy was trying to lift _a chicken leg._)

(It goes without saying that he dropped it, alerting me to their little game, and the pair ran off before I had enough time to think of an appropriate punishment.)

(Next time, I was a little more aware.)

(Blitzwing landed on my shoulder while I was munching away on a popsicle, sitting in front of the TV.)

(He asked me to change the channel, so I reached down for the remote.)

(At which time his Random face took a giant, jack-o'lantern-shaped bite out of my popsicle.)

(He tried to fly away, but I grabbed him, glared at him, and pointedly popped his arm off.)

(I have since returned his arm, but he made the wise decision to stay away from me while I'm eating now.)

**15. When cleaning out any place, I should remember that there are probably spiders. Oh, and I shouldn't let Wheeljack or Hound come with me if there are spiders.**

(I've finally found something Skywarp and I can agree on.)

(Spiders are scary.)

(I hate them with every fiber of my being. I sleep in fear of spider bites, and the second I see anything that could be a spiderweb, even if it's just a cobweb, I Raid-spray the shit out of everything.)

(Now, since I only recently bought this house and the only people that have been living in it are mini robots, there are a few things to clean up.)

(Like the garage, the attic, the basement.)

(I usually accept the bots' help, but I have to get it in my mind not to take Wheeljack or Hound cleaning with me.)

(If I see a spider, I freak out. I jump up on the nearest table/chair and scream.)

"_Kill it, kill it, kill it!_"

(Hound won't kill it. Hound will admire it and maybe even pet it.)

(Even has this nerdy, giddy smile on his face the whole time, like he's discovered a unicorn or something.)

(And it can't bite him because he's, oh, _plastic._)

(Wheeljack? Different can of nuts. And I _do_ mean NUTS.)

(He picks up the spider, and gets progressively closer to me with it.)

(_Monitoring my reactions so I can help you,_ my ass. He's a mad scientist and he's using my fear to conduct his sick experiments!)

(Next time, I bring Mirage.)

(_He_ kills spiders.)

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**I'll probably update tomorrow just because I put a Christmassy rule in there for you guys. So be on your toes!**

**Hope you all liked, and as usual suggestions are welcomed warmly!**

**Thankies for reading! ^^**


	4. Rules 16-20

**OK, well, usually I post earlier than this but... I was talking to people and you know, that kind of thing. There's this funny thing called LIFE that likes to get in my way when I'm trying to write. XD**

**Buuuuuut anyway! Important thing is that I have a new batch of rules for you, fresh from the oven. They're very hot, so be careful. ;)**

**Credit to Anonymous BW FG for Rule #16: Bumblebee learns that you do NOT want to be muck up Tally's art commissions. You will be VERY sorry if you do.**

**Credit to one of my friends during a random conversation on the phone for Rule #17: Wheeljack has found a much funner, if not exactly constructive, way of getting rid of fruitcake without eating it. (This guy, my buddy, he's so random and he's given me a couple rules, I have to talk to him later so he can give me more lol!)**

**Credit to Anonymous BW FG and my Youtuber pal freakofnature96 for Rule #18: Tally should really put parental controls on her computer.**

**Credit to Apocalyptos, D.D. Natanya, and freakofnature96 for Rule #19: Like Knock Out, Tally needs and values her beauty sleep. Interrupt it, and you're going to be hopping around on one pede for the rest of the day.**

**Credit to Anonymous BW FG for Rule #20: Tally should really keep Red Alert away from... well, everything.**

**Also, I must personally thank Iron for his/her lovely comments. You have no idea how much you made me grin like an idiot last night when I got your review! Those kinds of reviews just make me feel so good inside.**

**I have many more in store, and I love you guys so much! I'll give you a break from suggestions for now, seeing as it's Christmas Eve, lol!**

**Hope you enjoy Rules 15-20!**

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**16. When I'm working on a commission, bother me at your own risk.**

(I'm an artist, and I complete commissions from the local human resource center for money.)

(This is how I keep myself and my little bots alive.)

(So they _really_ need to stop bugging me when I'm trying to get one of them finished.)

(Prowl or Bulkhead sitting on my shoulder or on my desk when I'm working, I'm fine with that.)

(Prowl asks one or two questions and then leaves me the hell alone, while Bulkhead sits there in silent admiration, probably worshipping me.)

(Bumblebee? Not so much.)

(Bumblebee likes to climb up on my head, the jump down onto whatever I'm working on.)

(The result is usually that we both get covered in paint or glue or other messy stuff, and I have to start all over.)

(Visits to the Time Out Corner don't work for him.)

(I swear to God, if he does it ONE more time...)

(Hold on a second.)

"Bumblebee, what are you doing?"

"Watching you work! Oh hey - whoa! _(thump)_ Sorry, Tally... I didn't mean it...!"

"..."

"Tally?"

"That's it, Bee. You're riding the 2:00 to Swirlyville."

"Hey no! Hey wait, no, what'd I do?!"

(Please excuse me for a moment. I have to go throw Bumblebee down the toilet.)

**17. Fruitcake is a "delicious" holiday treat. It is not a weapon... ****_Wheeljack._**

(Why is it that I seem to have to make rules for things that should be, oh I dunno, _kinda obvious?_)

(Because Wheeljack never learned to quit while he's ahead, that's why.)

(Since my parents couldn't come and visit me for Christmas - something about a business trip vacation, who knows - they sent me some presents.)

(And a fruitcake.)

(It was kind of cute, and I'd never had one before, so I tried to eat a piece.)

(_Tried_ being the operative word of course.)

(Apparently it's disgusting if it's not made right, so I just left it on the counter and hoped maybe some flies would get a Merry Christmas out of it.)

(I probably should have known that a certain little inventor bot would find it.)

(The next thing I knew, I was up in the attic cleaning, and then the little ladder-trapdoor sprung open.)

(Mirage, my good little spy, jumped up and ran over to me, stumbling all over himself.)

(He was sorta out of breath, and I felt bad for the poor guy, but in all his disorientation he mentioned something about Wheeljack and getting hit in the head.)

(I scooped him up and hurried down the ladder with him still muttering groggily about something-or-other, and when I got downstairs I found a power-mad Wheeljack on top of the TV, using a catapult to lob pieces of fruitcake at everybody.)

(I immediately put Mirage down, grabbed Wheeljack, broke his fruitcake launcher into tiny pieces, and threw what was left of the cake away.)

(After giving Wheeljack an hour in solitary confinement underneath a weighed-down bowl, I let him out and picked up Mirage.)

(I'd just waited to see if maybe he improved, but he still couldn't walk straight so I thought I better take him to Ratchet.)

(Unfortunately, as I left, I overheard Wheeljack talking to someone about his plan for next Christmas: a mistletoe cannon.)

(I think I'm going to miss the fruitcake launcher.)

**18. We have ****_rules_**** for the internet around here.**

(Rule number one for the internet, stay the hell off of YouTube.)

(It was fine at first, because they liked to have dance parties.)

(Got Mirage and Perceptor to loosen up a little.)

(Unfortunately, Skids and Mudflap stumbled upon a little viral video called "Gangnam Style.")

(I thought it couldn't get any worse than being RickRoll'd.)

(But they proved me wrong as I kept being "Gangnam Styled" at every turn.)

(The Chevy twins may have started it, but I think Knock Out was the worst about it.)

(He kept popping up and shouting "Oppan Knock Out style!" before dancing.)

(Finally I could take it anymore. I had to ban YouTube _and_ the words _Gangnam_ and _Style_ in any order.)

(And I threatened if Knock Out ever tried it again, that while he slept I would paint him _pink freaking polka dot._)

(Second internet rule: when I ask you what site you're on, don't scream like a little girl and deny it. Own up to it like a mech.)

(Strangely enough, it was _Skywarp_ who forced this rule to come about.)

(I was watching TV, and I heard Skywarp behind me, on the computer, bouncing in that God-forsaken spinning chair.)

"Load, load, load, load, _looooooad!_"

(He may be a panicky, cowardly little mech, but I've never known him to be impatient.)

(So I had to walk over and ask, in no uncertain terms, what the hell he was doing.)

(He proceeded to cover up the screen and squeak.)

"_I'm not looking at porn!_"

(After that suspiciously specific denial, he hopped down off the seat and quickly warped away.)

(I raised an eyebrow and went to close out the porn site he "hadn't" been on.)

(I think I just stared at the screen for a full minute.)

(The browser was on a website that was just a page of different Cessna plane models.)

(...)

(My life is so weird sometimes.)

**19. If I have to get up in the middle of the night to deal with you, you're not getting away with your little plastic heinie intact.**

("Bedtime" means that everyone better have their afts in a berth.)

(I don't care if it's their own sleeping place or if they're having a two-bot orgy, but I will be monumentally _pissed_ if they don't stay where they were the last time I saw them.)

(I'd like to point out that this is not me being mean.)

(I was _driven_ to this after several nights of...)

(Jazz and Mirage doing randomly instigated recon, during which I think they used freaking _floodlights._)

(Bumblebee and Wasp having stinger battles, not to mention sneaking out of bed to go play video games.)

(Ratchet rummaging around for supplies in my bathroom medicine cabinet.)

(The last straw was when Optimus and Megatron had a little dominance battle at three in the morning.)

(I tried to ignore it for the most part, but when they brought it into my room and started waging their little toy alien war on my bed, that was it.)

(I took a leg from each of them, and I didn't give it back till I was good and rested.)

(Anyone else gets caught out of bed, I will rearrange your faceplates.)

(Lights Out means _LIGHTS OUT._)

**20. Red Alert and glitter? They DON'T. MIX.**

(New Years' Eve was maybe the craziest night with the bots.)

(Bumblebee and Bulkhead found my pack of little noisemakers, and I decided to be nice and break out the juice Hugs.)

(I had to put them in tiny plastic shot glasses, and even when they were shared it took like an hour for them to finish _one._)

(Sugar really isn't a good idea for these guys. Not THAT much sugar, anyway.)

(Long story short, while more than half of the bots were partying the night away and playing ridiculous pranks on Prowl/Sentinel/anyone who they thought wouldn't like it, I was lying on the couch.)

(Regretting ever telling them that this was a party night.)

(I had Red Alert cradled in my hands, and _man,_ was he shaking. I think he hated it as much as I did, probably more.)

(Finally I couldn't take it and retreated with Red to my room, where maybe I could ignore the noise by working on a project.)

(This one was my own, and I was planning to give out some Valentine's cards to the bots when the day rolled around.)

(I'd decided to start early, and the first couple were finished. I was going to make one for Prowl next.)

(Red Alert was slightly more calm now that we were away from the party, and was sitting on the desk.)

(The TV was loud enough that I could hear the countdown to the ball dropping.)

(So I handed Red Alert a pipe cleaner and grabbed one myself, and we waved them about as we counted.)

"Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five... four... three... two... ONE!"

(I could hear the bots in the living room cheering and I grabbed my glitter shaker, tossing up some glitter in lieu of confetti.)

(Poor Red.)

(I had to give him like ten baths that night before he was assured that all the glitter was gone.)

(While he was busy glitching and trying to tell me to scrub harder.)

(Next year, we'll just have a nice, quiet party with movies.)

(Actually, I hope there _is_ a next year.)

* * *

**Awww, Tally angsting a little and hoping she'll be with the bots for a long time! So cute, she's already taken a liking to them.**

**Well, I hope you all have a Merry Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate! Relax this winter season and have lots of fun with your family and friends.**

**And whatever you do, don't believe the bots if they say the just want some hot chocolate! Because if you give a bot hot chocolate... he'll want some marshmallows to go with it.**

**HAPPY HOLIDAYS, MY FABULOUS READERS! Without you, none of this would be possible, AND I LOVE YOU ALL!**

**THANKS SO MUCH! :)**


	5. Rules 20-25

**Ahahahaha... is it just me, or has it been a while?**

**But anyway! I'm back now. I'M BACK IN BLACK.**

**Only not really. I'm back in a Grinch t-shirt my boyfriend's parents got me for Christmas. Which reminds me, hope everyone had a happy holiday!**

**Anyhoozle, new chapter everyone rejoice!**

**Credit to Naughtia for inspiring Rule #21: Once again, Tally does NOT. Like. SPIDERS.**

**Credit to D. D. Natanya for Rule #22: Food is meant to be eaten, not... played with.**

**Credit to Redtailxclaw and anonomon for Rule #23: Thank Primus that Prowl is around when Tally's sick.**

**Credit to D. D. Natanya and my brother for Rule #24: Tally should probably keep her emergency chocolate well-hidden.**

**Credit to Anonymous BW FG and my buddy freakofnature96 for Rule #25: Starscream and Knock out are idiots, the bots and Tally are very lucky.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**21. I am a very tolerant person. But Airachnid's new "pet"? Keep that thing the hell away from me.**

(Remember the incident with the spiders?)

(Where I screamed like a baby while Wheeljack stole the spider from Hound and advanced upon me with it?)

(Yes, well, I managed to get most spiders out of the house through the combined efforts of myself, Mirage, and Ironhide.)

(Okay, okay... mostly Mirage and Ironhide. They're way braver than I am.)

(Unfortunately, one day while I was relaxing Red Alert came running up to me, crying and screaming about a giant spider Airachnid had brought into the house.)

(I winced, but patted his head and told him if he pointed me toward it, I'd take care of it.)

(He said he'd seen her in the kitchen with it - probably found it in the backyard and had just come on in.)

(I found Ironhide and took him with me as backup.)

(Sure enough there she was, and Red Alert was right - this spider she'd found was _huge._)

(I'm not kidding, she had somehow gotten a stray piece of my ribbon and tied it around this thing's neck as a leash.)

(And she was apparently looking around for a bowl it could eat out of.)

(I approached her nervously, and put 'Hide down.)

"Uh... you're gonna have to get rid of that spider. That thing can't stay in my house."

(She just _glared_ at me.)

"Its name is Hardshell. It's my pet. Kind of like you treat all of us like _pets,_ except _I_ understand how intelligent _my_ pet is."

(I gave 'Hide the signal to fire, but she just dodged out of the way.)

(I walked right up to her, kicked her with my foot, and pinned her down with my toe. She squirted me with her spider silk.)

(I was wearing _sandals._ I still haven't been able to get all the traces of it off my toe skin.)

(I actually had to threaten her with a can of Raid before she agreed to leave me alone.)

(Now she keeps "Hardshell" in the garage, and has decided not to let him in the house where I can see.)

(Try it one more time and see what I do then, bitch.)

(_One. More. Time._)

**22. We do not throw things at the dinner table. And yes, that includes other bots.**

(I try my damndest not to have the 'Bots and 'Cons together at the same time. Because they tend to fight when they're around each other.)

(But I'd been out and about running errands the whole day, with Prowl in my purse.)

(I knew I was out too long when I discovered that _he_ had fallen asleep at the bottom. Him. _Prowl_ fell asleep waiting for me to be done with my business.)

(Poor guy, but I had to get food and other necessities, not to mention renew my driving license.)

(By the time we got back, there wasn't time for separate dinners.)

(So, I respectfully requested that the Autobots and the Decepticons _please_ try to get along during this _one_ time they'd have to eat together.)

(I think it was Lugnut who started the whole thing. While I had my back turned, he flung some mashed potatoes.)

(Which landed on Bulkhead's face.)

(By the time I turned back around, an all-out food war had broken out.)

(Bumblebee threw his Jell-O at Wasp, and Wasp threw his pudding right back.)

(Red Alert was hiding under the table, holding onto one of the legs and screaming like there were bullets being fired instead of food.)

(The Jettwins were holding Starscream down by his wings, taking turns force-feeding him ranch dressing.)

(Megatron was hurling sugar cubes at Optimus, who was sitting there calmly and trying not to even acknowledge that this was happening.)

(It looked like with every cube that hit his helm, his patience meter was dropping a little. I think I even saw his optic twitch.)

(Then Wheeljack threw Wreck-Gar across the table.)

(Only through quick action did I manage to catch the poor little garbage truck.)

"EVERYONE, _SHUT __**UP!**_"

(I think that was the first time I ever yelled at them, and the room got _very_ quiet.)

(Not even Bluestreak said anything.)

(When I could finally talk again, I summoned up the lowest, most threatening voice I could.)

"When I count to _three..."_

(I looked pointedly at Wheeljack.)

"... I want..."

(Then at Megatron.)

"_All_ of you..."

(I put Wreck-Gar down.)

"_Gone._"

(I counted to three, turned around, and nobody was there except for Wreck-Gar.)

(Happily scooping up the mess and humming that he was helping because he was a helpful bot.)

(I chose to ignore it and just accept his help. It was more than the others were doing.)

(The next day, everyone was nicer to me than they'd ever been.)

(I didn't like talking to them like that, but if the kind of treatment it got me was what they'd given me, well...)

**23. The do's and don't's of when I'm sick. Remember them.**

(It's not often that I get sick, but hey, nobody's perfect.)

(Sadly, a lot of my little bots tend to not know exactly how to treat me when I _do_ get sick.)

(I was mostly stuck in bed and couldn't get any commissions done for a few days. I was glad to have a break, but I wanted to be better, darn it!)

(My little angel Mirage stood patrol by the door and didn't let anyone in who had ill intentions at spark.)

(He did let Sunstorm in for like five minutes, and the entire five minutes he was fawning over me. Right up till Mirage drug him out.)

(But I _was_ grateful for the fact that he rested comfortably on my back, rubbing my neck and complimenting me.)

(So, yes: _Do_ make me feel good. It takes my mind off of being sick.)

(Then... Mirage let Ratchet in. Probably because he pulled the "I'm a doctor, I know what's best for her" card.)

(He tried to make me drink something that smelled like the business end of a garbage disposal - and had the nerve to pass it off as being _good for me._)

(I managed to take the spoon from him, and crammed it down his throat instead.)

(The last thing I heard from him as Mirage ushered him out was rather muffled.)

"_But I needed that!_"

(_Don't_ try to force any stupid health-nut stuff on me. I will force it right back on you.)

(Swoop came in later and flew circles around me, fetching me anything I needed or wanted.

(Water, tissues... he even schlepped the trash can over when I told him I needed something to throw up in.)

(Also, he didn't hesitate to grab a washcloth and wipe off my mouth when I was done being sick.)

(He's a good little pteranodon.)

(_Do_ take good care of me. I'll appreciate it, and reward you when I'm better.)

(The thing that was the most annoying was when Mirage let Wheeljack in for a few minutes, under the guise of wanting to ask me some questions.)

(Instead of doing that, however, he cheerfully held a cup under my mouth and asked, in all casualty and quite serious, if I would give him a sample of my vomit.)

(I looked straight into his eyes, mustering up the best glare I could manage.)

"Wheeljack, if I had any control over it... I would do it on you _right now._"

(Then I shoved him off the side of the bed and I didn't hear from him for the rest of the day.)

(_Do not_ try to do any freaky little experiments with my germs. I will not be flattered.)

(Sometime during the night, Prowl came into my room to see how I was feeling.)

(I hadn't been able to sleep all day, and as well-intentioned as the others were - okay, well, maybe not Wheeljack - I wasn't much better.)

(Prowl... oh God, sweet Prowl... he led me through a small meditation/relaxation, and before I knew it I was asleep.)

(I woke up the next day feeling a lot better, with the little ninja-bot curled up by my shoulder.)

(_Do_ be like Prowl.)

**24. No more chocolate ANYTHING. Chocolate milk, cookies, brownies. Seriously, ****_none of that._**

(I guess I had to learn this lesson the hard way.)

(Once we all learned that my little bots could eat human food, I realized I had to find something that they all liked and was easy to eat so I could have a bunch of food pre-made if they ever got hungry and I didn't feel like cooking.)

(The general consensus was that their favorite was cookies.)

(And of course, everyone remembers that book, _If You Give a Mouse a Cookie._ Yeah, well, apparently it works for bots too.)

(I had to have little cups of milk all ready in the fridge so they wouldn't make a mess trying to get any.)

(The whole chocolate craze thing was Blitzwing's fault.)

(Up until then, I'd just been getting sugar cookies and regular milk, but then Blitzwing accompanied me to the grocery store.)

(Random pointed out some chocolate milk, Oreos, and little brownies - like a kid in a freaking candy store, he wouldn't shut up till I bought some.)

(The problem came when the chocolate stuff was actually _consumed._)

(I had been taking a nap, and Swoop woke me up because he heard a ruckus in the kitchen.)

(I wasn't happy about being woken up, but I was even less happy when I saw the scene.)

(The packages of Oreos and brownies littered the counters, and there was chocolate milk all over the floor.)

(Blitzwing's Hothead side was screaming and trying to dunk Red Alert in a cup of chocolate milk.)

(Starscream could not fly in a straight line, and kept going back to bump into the side of the fridge.)

(Meanwhile, as I stepped into the kitchen to see what the hell was going on, Bumblebee was driving sugar-high circles around my feet.)

(I finally managed to muscle my way over to the counter and grab Blitzwing.)

(I also fished Red Alert out of the glass, with the poor mech sputtering and screaming.)

"_I can feel the sugar sticking to my gears! GET ME OUT BEFORE I DROWN!_"

(Yep, that's Red Alert alright.)

(Wheeljack told me it was his opinion that the chocolate was what caused the problem.)

(Perceptor agreed, along with the fact that the artifical flavorings probably weren't helping things.)

(As for the bots who ate the chocolate, I had to hold them down in the sink while I flushed their systems and brushed their teeth.)

(Not the easiest thing in the world to do, by the way.)

(Also, that's the last time I take Blitzwing _anywhere._)

(His Random side is REALLY starting to scare the scrap out of me.)

**25. Bots, you ****_cannot_**** move around when there are other people over here. You're just toys to them.**

(Okay, still laying out some ground rules, yeah, that's fine.)

(Getting all the bad ideas out of their systems.)

(When I learned that my sister Katy was coming for a visit, at first I was scared out of my mind.)

(I had like fifty little bots running around here shooting at each other! How was I supposed to explain that?)

(Eventually, after Prowl managed to calm me down, I called all my bots in the living room for a meeting.)

(I didn't have time to do separate ones for the 'Bots and 'Cons, nor did I really feel like repeating myself.)

(I told everyone that while Katy was here - no more than a few hours, I hoped - they had to stay _out of sight._ If not, they had to stay still.)

(Optimus asked if most of the Autobots could stay in my room till she was gone, and I said yes.)

(Megatron glared at me, and I raised an eyebrow at him.)

"No. Funny. Business. You hear me, Mr. Fusion Cannons?"

"Glitch."

(That time I glared right back.)

"You want me to take Ducky?"

(He backed down.)

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

(Bluestreak said he wanted to stay out in the living room to see my sister. Then he asked, but what if he had to sneeze?)

(Somehow, I knew a question like that was coming. So I gave him my best _"Really?"_ look, and he shut up for a few seconds.)

(In the bots' defense, it wasn't technically the Autobots that blew it once my sister got there.)

(Nor was it, as I had anticipated, Megatron.)

(No, it was _Knock Out._)

(See, Starscream had made a habit out of randomly scratching Knock Out's finish, and then the little diva would come whining to me. Because he knew I would usually give Starscream a toilet shampoo for unnecessary roughness.)

(But this time, Knock Out had broken out of the bathroom - where the 'Cons had elected to stay - despite the others' best efforts to contain him.)

(He ran right into the living room, screaming and sobbing, to show me a particularly long scratch down the side of his chassis.)

(Katy _fainted_ when he looked up and said hello before continuing to bitch about his paint.)

(Also, when Red Alert heard my screaming, he ran out to help me, saw Katy and Knock Out, and _glitched so hard._)

(It was a few minutes before either of them woke up, and Katy thought it had just been a dream.)

(I had to explain everything to her, and luckily for me and my bots she was apparently concussed enough that she agreed to keep it our little secret.)

(Once she left, I let my tiny bots _have it._)

(I spieled for about a full five minutes, then I locked Knock Out in the garage with Airachnid and Hardshell.)

(Then, when I let him back in and he was wailing about what the spider had done to his finish, I grabbed Starscream _right out of the air where he was flying_ and locked him in there.)

(Picked up Knock Out and went to fix him.)

(Starscream, the next time you feel the need to cause a crisis, do us all a favor...)

(_Ignore that feeling._)

* * *

**Well, I hope you all like long and rambling rules! Because... apparently that's what all of mine are. XD**

**Still accepting suggestions, though I have enough for a while. But if you want to send one, I'm totally game! I'm a collector of the finest things... bwahahahaha...**

**Hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading!**


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